Why do I even bother? That’s the question.
At night, I lay awake in my mind reflecting.
Upon how I’ve bent over backwards for them.
Them being the ones I love; my “friends”.
I think I’m starting to figure it out.
When it comes to me I’m by their sides without a doubt.
When it comes to them I’m left empty handed, abandoned with only my shadow next to where I’m standing. No more Mr.”Yeah it’s not a problem”. No more Mr.”Don’t worry about it”. I’m shedding my skin, so remember how I used to look. Remember all the times I helped you every chance I could. An eruption of inner demons, they’re ripping through the seams. Or so it seems, I’m tired of clenching my teeth. I was too kind and I was mistaken for weak, but not a living soul knows of the horrors I keep. In the depths within, buried deep where you can feel the pressure.
Maybe you’re all better off not reading this letter. But if you do you’ll probably look at me differently, a changed of perspective of the kid you used to see. My man Sage said change stays the same. The tension is tight I need another link on the chain. Before I dismantle and breakdown. And all that’s left are pieces on the ground. To whom it may concern.

There’s a 90% chance that if you have a vagina you gross me out.

I’ve never known the feeling of opening up or getting close.
I’ve never known the feeling of acceptance.
I’ve never known the feeling of being wanted.
I’ve never known the feeling of family.
I’ve never known the feeling of having a childhood friend.
I’ve never known the feeling of a true relationship.
But then again, that’s just how I feel…

Outside of my window rain falls like there’s no tomorrow.
I lay awake per usual, finding myself caught within the whirlpool that is my mind.
Stumbling, trying to find a way to balance these thoughts.
I find myself arriving to the same realization everyday
and it’s within that arrival that I seek an alternate route.
At the end of my days I’m alone and I’ve always been; reality can be hell.
The birds should fly back south, this hell has a lack of warmth.

Running; a repetitious pattern on the pavement. This mind runs rapidly.
On; the word empty would be an understatement. I fear insanity’s trapped in me.